Al Fatihah

Photo taken from my cousin Ihsan

3 days ago, on Monday, 11:37 pm, my beloved grandmother whom all of us refer to as Tok Yah finally bid farewell to the world after making it a better and more beautiful place for almost 80 years. For all the people that she met, all the lives that she touches, of her sons, daughters, grand children, she is closest to the best person one can have as a mother and as a grandmother.

I try to write more than this but I just cant. Allah knows how much I missed her. She used to look after me when we first moved to Muar, back when we didnt have a house, she was the one who look after me.

I remember as a child, running back from the mosque, just because I want to be the first to taste her cooking. I still remember to this day, one night when she cooked daging masak kicap, up till now, that is one of the best food I've ever eaten.

Atok,

I wish I can do more for you, say more, but upon seeing you on your last day I just cant. It hurts, and sad, seeing a person you love so much lying there, breathing albeit artificially by a machine. Last Saturday, you are still holding my hand tight, before Atok suddenly went tachypnic and that was the last time, I can ever feel your hand warm.

I regret I didnt be a doctor earlier. Your words ring in my ear often. How you want me to be one. Now I am, hopefully insyallah, on my way, but there wont be you to see me. I secretly wish, one day you can see me on my wedding day, and sadly, that wont be too.

I cant write more. Eyes swelling, words jumbling. For all i know, you bring joy to so much people, while you suffer in silent from various illnesses. I accept that Atok now is in a better place, and wont be tormented by old age and illnesses anymore.

Al Fatihah to my Tok Yah.